The Journey of Healing

Everyone has experienced some level of brokenness in their lives. I can say that I personally experienced a lot of pain and heartache in life. But it was in my complete brokenness where God met me and changed me. He is now using my life to help bring restoration to the wounded. It is His nature to use the places of brokenness and turn it into something beautiful.

Part of my redemption story is to allow God to use my life to bring restoration to others. And sometimes I see this as something that will happen in the future, a long time from now. This is probably because it’s coming from the limited perspective that this will happen when we as a ministry have something established and more tangible. Our heart is to network with other anti-trafficking organizations and link arms. I recently had the opportunity with Ezekiel Rain to create some illustrations for the safe home where they are ministering to young adults. These young people came out of exploitative situations. The sketches are meant to help bring a visual to the process of restoration and the need to embrace the process.

This may seem like a small thing, especially since I’m still developing in art skills, but God is showing me that He is very intentional with those who belong to Him and every person matters to Him. I am beginning to understand that He uses those who are willing in unexpected ways and that when things are done in obedience, there will always be an impact on earth and in eternity.

The Process

When I was little I used to love looking at pictures and drawing what I saw. They never looked perfect enough so eventually I lost interest. It wasn’t until many years later, about four years ago to be exact, that I decided to start painting as a hobby. I lived in a beautiful compound in the Philippines and I found out that there was a painter in my compound who gave art lessons. I started going to his house on my days off to learn more about painting. I quickly found out that God was using that to deal with my perfectionism and the lack of patience. I wanted to know how to do everything right away but it took time. I learned so much from this art teacher, Fernando Kabigting, by hearing his story and passion for art. After a stroke many years ago, he had to learn how to use only his left hand and his right eye. He didn’t let his condition tell him that he couldn’t paint anymore. But I would say that the most important lesson I learned from him was that a painting is not done until the painter says it’s done. That lesson is a continual reminder of my journey with Christ. I am a masterpiece in the making. And even though I’m going through a process, I’m using art to bring life to others, particularly to my friends at the bar who are also in the process. I realized last Wednesday that the artwork I made for one of them was more than just a painting but that it came straight from the heart of God.  While I go through His process, I get to paint the things that are in His heart for others.

Close up of finished artwork done for a youth group talent night.

What Happened to Your Foot?

About a month and a half ago I fractured my left foot playing basketball with some of my team members. We had just started the great habit of waking up early to go to a nearby park to fellowship and exercise by playing basketball. I would like to say that I fractured my foot by making some awesome move where I scored and made my team win but it wasn’t at all like that. I just landed on someone’s foot and twisted my foot. The injury was minor and it was even hard to see the fracture on the x-ray. But the doctor said that if I wanted my foot to heal fast that I needed to use a flat high top shoe and not walk for about six weeks. I didn’t like the news especially the not walking part. My friend was able to let me borrow his crutches so that I could still get around the city. It was very humbling to be dependent on crutches and others. I also learned a few new words in Thai because most of the Thai people in my neighborhood would stop me to ask me what happened to my foot. It blessed my heart to see their genuine sincerity in their asking.

But one particular night I was having a rough time. Internally I was complaining that I still had to use the crutches and that I needed to go places by myself because my visiting friend had left. I was on my way to meet some of my teammates to go out to the bar area but I couldn’t find transportation so I just walked (with my crutches) and took mini breaks when I needed them. I got over it by the time I met with my team and started having a time of fellowship with our friends there. After that we went to a new area to pray and ask God what He has in mind for that area, specifically a restaurant/bar in that area. Just when we were walking past the entrance to leave that area I saw a woman approach me to say hello. It took me a few seconds to recognize her but I had met her at one of the bars in the different location. The second thing out of her mouth as she pointed to my foot was, “What happened?” I was so happy to see her and to talk with her for a few minutes that the revelation didn’t hit me until later that night. God gently reminded me that complaining is never a good thing because I don’t always know how He’s using the bad for good. I am almost positive that my old friend had the courage to approach me that night because of her genuine concern for my foot.

He Fulfills His Promises

Sometime before I left America to move from the Philippines to Thailand, God gave me a vision regarding the issue of human trafficking in Thailand. The vision was very abstract but full of meaning. I saw the aerial picture of the nation of Thailand and it was nighttime because I could see the lights flickering all over the nation. In this vision I was working alongside God to bring freedom to the captives enslaved in the issue of human trafficking. I was next to Him and I was focused on all the fruit coming forth as we co-labored in this endeavor. Our hands were moving in the air symbolizing the work we were both doing in the nation of Thailand. I told Him, “Daddy, look at all the women that are being impacted!” The joy I experienced was unexplainable. I knew that we were working together and that lives were being transformed. But what came out of His mouth in response to this floored me. He said, “I’m too busy looking at you!” I could feel His eyes of love penetrating the depths of my soul. This experience marked me for life. About a month ago I was honored to see two friends that I met at the bar give their lives to the Lord. All we did was to love them and honor them into the kingdom. It was completely effortless because it was in God’s heart to make them a part of His family. He always fulfills that which He promises. Above all the lives that will be impacted because of the things He’s called me to do in this nation, what I want most from Him is to continue to keep His eyes on me and mine on His. The posture and desire of my heart is to love Him above everything. I want it to be love that compels me to go into darkness.

His Love For Me

Being the only Latina in my Thailand team can sometimes make me feel homesick. Yes, I’m very much an American as well and sadly enough I’ve also been corrected with my Spanish from a fellow American teammate here! I’m very thankful that all my teammates like Mexican food. But sometimes it’s just fun to find people who enjoy the Tajin chili powder with everything, can speak Spanish with you and even watch an episode of El Chavo del Ocho (a popular Mexican T.V. show). I have learned to enjoy these things alone but in this season it pleased my Father to show His love for me by sending me new friends who speak Spanish! Three of the interns who are here to go through the Timothy Internship Program are a direct blessing from God for this Latina. There is also another Spanish speaking missionary who is here with her family that I’ll be connecting with soon. I’m already planning fun activities to do with my new friends. Even my smallest desires don’t go unnoticed by Him!

Learning to Love

God revealed a lot about my calling last year. He spoke to me about learning to love like He loves. While attending Harvest School 21, God used every opportunity to send that message straight to my heart. One of those moments came with a question from God. I was in class one hot morning in Pemba, Mozambique and Heidi Baker was teaching a session. Before she started teaching she thanked the students that were able to help decorate her backyard for a wedding that weekend. That quickly got my attention because I was helping with that wedding. I clearly remember that day because it was very hot and I was having a rough day so all I could think of was myself. I listened closely to her words as she began to say that it was worth all the sacrifice of stopping for the one and how much joy it brought her to see one of her own daughters walking down the aisle. And that’s when the question came. He said to me, “Would you love the one in front of you even if you don’t know their story?” I was convicted because often times I have more compassion for someone if I know where they came from or what they have gone through in life. I answered His question with a yes and asked for His help as I learn to love more like He loves. He has called me to a life of love, first with Him and then with others. In Africa He raised my standard of a comfortable and safe love to an uncomfortable love that will cost me everything.